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Instant gratification, we all fall for it it’s when:

• we eat that greasy fatty junk food, that tastes oh so good in our mouth yet is bad for our health, energy levels, productivity, and our weight loss plan
• we skip doing a chore like going to the gym, buying groceries, cleaning the house and instead watch useless mind numbing tv
• we get red of our hobbies, and forget about our dreams just because they require too much work, time and effort
• we overspend, buy stuff we don’t need, and maybe even get in debt instead of investing and saving our money
• we are always looking for the magic pill, whether it’s to lose 30 pounds in 30 days without getting off the couch or becoming the next millionaire by following the newest get rich quick scheme

We all know instant gratification doesn’t work, it’s a rip off.  We eat the junk food, and while it tastes amazing, afterwards we feel too full, dehydrated, sleepy, lazy, and want to take a nap.  We skip our chores, watch some tv, and afterwards realize that we just wasted our a block of really valuable time.  We give up on our dreams, and discard our hobbies and live like zombies doing the least we have to do to get by.  We go on shopping sprees, buy things we don’t need and know we can’t afford and eventually encounter financial problems and might even get in debt.  We want to lose weight without putting in the effort so we order that magic diet pill and are disappointed when it doesn’t work.  We want to become millionaires without putting in the hard work and the long hours so we order that new get rich quick program yet are disappointed later when we find out it’s either a rip off or is a lot tougher and requires more effort than we initially thought.

Instant gratification is a paradox.  It’s a lie, however it’s one that we keep buying into.  Marketers know this, that’s why advertising works.  Does that mean advertising is evil? No, it’s what you make of it.  If it wasn’t for advertising and marketing you might have never found out about the last great book you read, movie you watched, or product you bought.  A great example of this is the 4 hour work week.  It’s a great book, yet it takes a lot of work to setup a business that only requires 4 hours of your time to manage per week.  It took the author himself over a year just to get his business to make him good profits, and another year to automate it.  It’s also important to point out that this wasn’t his first business idea, he’s certainly tried and failed plenty of times in the past.  While the 4 hour work week is a great book, and is becoming more and more popular, how many people do you think will end up creating their own 4 hour work week?  how many people are willing to put in 2 years or more of hard work into setting such a business up?  how many people are willing to try and fail with different business ideas until they find the right one?  I’d like to be optimistic and say many, yet in reality it’s very few.

Can you wake up one day and just eliminate all of the temptation of indulging in instant gratification? No.  Besides you wouldn’t want to go to the other extreme of always thinking long term.  While thinking long term is a healthy habit, it can certainly distract you from enjoying the moment and making the best of your current life situation.  Besides many people get too hung up on long term thinking that they live their whole lives to create a better future, yet that future never comes, how could it when they are always busy creating it and can never stop to enjoy their present?

How to deal with instant gratification?

Step 1: Start looking at your choices and actions and see if they are motivated by instant gratifcation.  Take some time right now and write down at least 3 choices/actions in your day to day life that are an attempt to indulge in instant gratification.  Don’t judge those choices, and don’t be hard on yourself.

Step 2: In the next 7 days become conscious of when you make those choices and take those actions and how you feel afterwards.   Start becoming more conscious of how instant gratification is a paradox, it doesn’t really exist. 

Step 3: After a week of conciousness, start taking small steps to decrease the frequecy of those 3 choices/actions or even to eliminate them if possible.  For example if you chose to watch tv regularly, try to watch less tv, eliminate one of the shows you watch etc.  If your eating a lot of junk food try to incorporate one healthy meal into your diet each day.  If you are living from paycheck to paycheck try to go shopping less often and mostly buy necessaties instead of luxuries.  There isn’t an easy way to do this, it’s just a matter of knowing that you need to do the right thing and doing it anyway whether or not you feel like it.  Of course after making the right choices for a while, they become habits that are easier to maintain.

When a resolute young fellow steps up to the great bully, the world, and takes him boldly by the beard, he is often surprised to find it comes off in his hand, and that it was only tied on to scare away the timid adventurers.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Funny how two people can look at a problem, an issue or a struggle, and one will feel helpless, while the other will see an opportunity for greatness. Think about it, we all live in the same world, and are born with mostly similar circumstances, yet a few become great, while the majority remain average. How come? Well a lot of it as to do with perspective, it’s as if everyone is looking at the same world through a different lens. Some see a corrupted, unfair, biased, dark, gloomy world without much hope so their basic instinct is just to survive, do the least they have to do to get by. A few others see a colorful, bright, glamorous, and enticing world full of bounties and treasure for the taking.

It’s easy to have a very pessemestic dark view of the world, it’s easy to feel helpless and weak because then you can just be lazy and do enough to get by. I remember when I was younger, I liked playing sports, yet I never tried out once for my high school’s sport teams. I was overweight, and thought that no matter how hard I tried, a coach would never take me on to the team since there is a bias or discrimination against my body shape. This was the easy way out, as a result, I never had to feel guilty or lazy for not going to sport team tryouts. Instead I got to sit home, watch tv and play video games, a very safe lifestyle. I was basically blind to the fact that maybe my weight was starting to be a problem and that I need to implement a healthier more active lifestyle.

As I grew older and started getting into personal development and self help I started seeing a new world, one full of opportunities for the taking. We are living in really exciting times, here are just a few of the luxuries that we take for granted in today’s world. Affordable world travel, how awesome is it that you can travel to any country in the world, try out their food, hang out with its people, and visit its best landmarks. Technology boom - how great is it that you can just google any topic, issue, or even health problem, and learn everything about it without having to leave your home or see a professional. Information age - this is a result of the technology boom, the availability of information, resources, and expert advice for free or very little money. Anyone can learn any topic their heart desires. The world is yours for the taking.

A world full of opportunity requires a lot of courage. Courage simply is doing the right thing. Courage is when you are feeling really lazy and tired and still decide to get your work done. Courage is when you haven’t slept good the night before, and it’s cold outside, and you really just feel like staying in, yet you still go to the gym and workout because you made a fitness commitment. Courage is when you have tried several business ideas and ventures without any success yet instead of giving up you hang in there knowing that you are getting closer and closer to success. Courage is when you get out of your comfort zone maybe to learn a new skill or try a new fun activity without worrying too much about looking like a fool.

When a resolute young fellow steps up to the great bully, the world, and takes him boldly by the beard, he is often surprised to find it comes off in his hand, and that it was only tied on to scare away the timid adventurers.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Remember the world is yours for the taking, so what’s stopping you? For most of us we might experience many roadblocks to success and self defeating tendencies. Whether it’s fear or insecurities or caring what others think, we end up becoming our own worst enemies. This is where desire without attachment to outcome sets you free. Sometime we become so attached to our future goals and desires, that we forget to enjoy and accept the present for what it is. It is possible to build an empire while still enjoying your present life to the fullest. Do you accept your current condition for what it is or are you always whining and complaining? What lens are you looking at the world from? Are you seeing a world full of unfairness, corruption and destruction or one full of opportunities, treasures, and gifts for the taking? Do you chose laziness, an easy lifestyle and a comfortable average living? Or are you willing to step up, live courageously and take whats yours? Remember the world is yours for the taking.

source: jalex

I’m building my empire. No I’m not talking about a business empire like the Fords, Hiltons or the Trumps. No disrespect, one can learn all sorts of things from them. I’m talking about a new kind of empire. One built on freedom, responsibility, craziness, randomness, and hard work. My empire will look like no other. My empire isn’t about the money or the wealth, those come and go. My empire is about what I truly love in life. My empire will consist of living in some of the world best cities including Vegas, LA, NYC and Cancun. My empire will shatter through the social bounds, it will consist of awesome friendships, connections, and lovers. My empire will shatter through limiting beliefs, who says you can’t be a computer geek, a club head, a dancer, a romantic, a player, a good guy, a bad guy, a stage performer, a skydiver, a writer, and a world traveler? Those are just a few of my passions/hobbies or whatever you want to call them, they are all different identities mixed together and poof you have me.

My empire isn’t based on perfection, or always being right. I’m just another average Joe, while I have many dreams and ambitions, I also have bad habits, self defeating tendencies that I gotta work on like everyone else. Rather, my empire is based on persistence, perseverance, pushing through failure and setbacks. The defining moments of my empire aren’t so much the successes or the wins. I’m grateful for those. However what really defines my empire are those really tough times, when everything is going south, lots of failure, disappoint, pain, hurt, even light depression. What my empire thrives on is pushing through those tough defining moments.

My empire isn’t based on ego or self glorification. Like why am I writing this? It’s for my own encouragement and motivation, do I really care if anyone reads it or judges it? It would be nice if others read it and get something out of it, but overall I don’t really care much. Not to say that I don’t appreciate feedback, I really do, I love getting comments on my posts, however this post is a little different. These words I’m using are so real to me. I’m not just day dreaming, this vision of an empire is already part of my reality. I’m sharing this in hopes that it will inspire you to build your own empire. Whether you think this is the coolest thing ever since the rainbow colored skittles came out or simply retarded, that’s up to you, it’s none of my business.

My empire isn’t a totally futuristic one. My empire is also in the present. It’s is here and now. While I might not move to Vegas tomorrow, I did visit it last month, and it was a great time. I’m planning on doing a lot of traveling in the next couple of years. While I’m not the hottest home skillet to hit the social scene I still go out and get to meet lots of new cool people, have made many awesome friends, and will continue growing my social skills. A big part of my empire is being happy in the present moment and accepting everything the way it is. Desire without attachment to outcome. Lets face it, there are no guarantees, this moment, day, week, month or year could be my last. Some use this line of thinking to justify living a very careless, destructive, dangerous lifestyle. While that can be fun, it’s not what I’m going after. See I’ve tried that lifestyle, while it was fun at first, it was almost like getting a high off drugs, feels great, but always ends in a crash, a bad hang over. I’ve realized one of my biggest personal values is working hard, and therefore I wouldn’t have any regrets if I was to die working 10, 12, 14, or 16 hour days. Believe me, I still cherish and make the best of my free time.

For me a person’s life is this random shaped rock they are born with that they get to shape and sculpt however they please. Many times it will feel very tough, imagine trying to sculpt and shape a rock with your bare fingers, using only your fingernails. Other times it will be like a piece of cake, like when all of the right circumstances line up, and you got all the right tools to sculpt and shape that rock. Regardless of the circumstances, what matters is your perseverance and persistence. It’s funny how overrated talent is in our culture. When people see a person who’s considered a genius at what they do, they are amazed and might even feel a little jealous. Fortunately I’ve had the chance to interact with such talented people in the past, and get to know the real them. I found out that while their talent is nice, like everyone else they have to work hard with a lot of determination to achieve any kind of success. Additionally I found out that most of the time people wrongly label success as natural talent so that they don’t feel bad about being lazy or mindlessly cruising through life. I’m not trying to judge, I’m guilty of this myself.

Do you dare to build an empire? Maybe try closing your eyes, take a few moments, and picture your empire. It’s good to have futuristic goals and be ambitions however it’s also important to live in the present. Think of small actions steps you can take today or even now to start making your empire a reality. Dream big, be overly ambitious, it’s your reality, you are the pilot, and everyone else is a passenger.

Take a few moments to answer the following questions by reflecting on your current lifestyle and circumstance

• Are you successful financially or do you have credit card debt and are living from paycheck to paycheck?
• How do you rate your love life? What about your sex life? Is it fulfilling?
• What about your social life, are you the life of the party or the outsider trying to sneak in?
• How much do you like your body shape? Is it satisfying when you look in the mirror or are you feeling a little ashamed of the extra pounds you have put on over the past weeks, months, or years?
• Do you have a really exciting life? Do you often jump out of bed and can’t wait to start a new day?

Success or Failure is Usually a Pattern in One’s Life

I love writing about personal development mainly for two reason. First it allows me to reflect on myself. Secondly it forces me to constantly work on growing, improving and developing myself, otherwise I would have nothing new to write about.

Each time I meet a person who’s very successful in one area of his (or her) life, I keep noticing a reoccurring pattern. Usually he is successful in several other areas of his life. Here is a related article about how to become great and successful in any field.

Similarly, each time I meet a person who’s a failure in one area of his life, generally that failure seems to be a pattern throughout other areas of his life. Now I must clarify, by failure I’m talking about a reoccurring failure over at least months and years where there isn’t any progress, instead a lot of disappointment and even setbacks. I’m a big believer of trying and failing until one succeeds however this isn’t the kind of failure I’m talking about in this article. A good example of what I mean by failure is someone who’s constantly getting a new job for 6 months and then quitting it and repeating this for 3-4 years instead of maybe thinking he needs to switch his career choice in the first place. Another good example is someone who’s trying to lose weight who has been trying one diet after the other for 2-3 years now, losing the pounds and putting them back on, instead of starting to question if diets work in the first place. I can certainly relate to this last example which is why I started my Project Weight Loss where I’m working on implementing healthy eating and exercising habits for a lifetime and losing the weight slowly instead of just following a fad diet.

7 Common Roadblocks to Success

1. Caring What Everyone Thinks of You and Your Actions
2. Always Looking for a Shortcut Instead of Putting in the Hard Work
3. Giving Up Too Quickly
4. Living a Crappy Life
5. Always Choosing Instant Gratification Over the Long Term Payoff
6. Letting Fear Take Over Your Life
7. Surrounding Yourself with the Wrong Crowd

Desire without attachment to outcome might sound like a paradox at first. How can you desire or want something and yet not care about whether you get it or not?

While desire without attachment is an old personal development concept, I myself haven’t came across any great explanations of it, and therefore it took me a while to understand it.

What are some of your future goals? Maybe it’s to increase your income, get in shape, lose weight, improve your social skills, or find that special love of your life. These are all worthy goals. Having goals is essential for personal development and growth.

Without goals your life situation will become boring, dull, and predictable. Basically your life situation is your current circumstances and lifestyle. It’s important to differentiate between your life situation and your aliveness. As I mentioned your life situation are your current circumstances and situations in life.

Your aliveness on the other hand is separate from your life situation. Your aliveness is your present moment, it’s here and now regardless of your past or your future. The quality of your aliveness is completely up to you.

Have you ever met a disabled or handicapped person and thought how difficult it must be? well you were focused on their life situation, their circumstances. Maybe when you started talking to them, and getting to know them better, you realized that they were happier than most people. How come? Because they are conscious of their aliveness. They realize that while they can try improve their life situation (by taking physical therapy or getting an operation), they wont let their life situation dictate their current state of aliveness and happiness.

The difference between your life situation and your aliveness is essential to understanding the concept of desire without attachment to outcome. Ofter we associate our aliveness with our life situation thinking that losing weight or making more money will make us happy.

Losing weight or making more money might improve the quality of your life however it will not make you happy. If you have bad financial habits, and say you win 10 million dollars tomorrow, you will eventually end up wasting all that away the same way you waste your current income. It might take you a little longer, just like how most lottery winners end up accumulating lots and lots of debt several years after their winning date. This is also why lots of Hollywood celebrities and famous music artists end up abusing drugs and going into rehab after becoming very successful. Basically with all the money they just made, they can now afford to really indulge in their addictions and destructive habits, to the point where they end up having to get professional help.

So as you can see money might increase the quality of your life, but it certainly will not solve all your problems. Does that mean that you shouldn’t desire riches and wealth? of course not. You certainly should. With lots of money you get a lot of freedom, you can travel the world, eat the best foods, live in luxurious houses, and even do a lot of good for the community. However while having that desire you must realize, that making more money does not equal happiness. This is a great example of desire without attachment to outcome. You desire the money, and work hard to get it, yet you are conscious that it’s not your salvation, and therefore you chose to be alive and enjoy your current life situation. This is why your aliveness and your life situation are separate.

You can work on improving your future life situation, however you can improve your aliveness right now. Your aliveness is your current state of happiness. There is no reason for you not to be happy in the current moment no matter what your life situation is. Happiness is a choice. Once you are monitoring your aliveness and are happy, you will realize that yes you can desire future goals, however you will not beat yourself up about your progress or the outcome (which you can’t control anyway) since you are already happy in the present moment.

Once you desire a goal without attachment to outcome you suddenly become free of fears and self defeating habits. You will not feel guilty about your slow progress and beat yourself up about it. Instead you will do your best, and let the progress and result take care of themselves, because in the present moment you are already happy and complete. Fear will no longer slow you down, fear no longer can hold you back since you have no attachment to the outcome.

As I’ve been working on improving my social skills, I tended to let fear hold me back. Basically I was sometimes scared of talking to strangers and not receiving a good response, basically fear of rejection. What’s behind that fear? well I made the mistake of associating reaching my goals (having great social skills) with happiness. And therefore whenever I would experience rejection, I would feel that my social skills stink, and start feeling bad. This of course has slowed down my progress in improving my social skills. Now that I’m conscious of my aliveness, and already feel happy the way I am, I rarely ever hesitate to approach strangers, because I’m no longer attached to the outcome.

Your state of aliveness depends heavily on you accepting everything the way it is. This doesn’t mean that you wont work on improving your life situation, however there is no reason for you not to feel complete and happy right now. Once you accept everything the way it is, then you can desire without being attached to the outcome and really start transforming your life situation.

If you can’t accept your current life situation and are always looking to the future for happiness you will never be happy. Because no matter how many goals you achieve you’ll always want more, they’ll always be a next level and you will never stop to enjoy the present moment.

The practical application of desire without attachment is to set performance goals not outcome related goals. For example if you want to lose weight, decide on how often you will exercise (performance goal), instead of your actual weight loss. You can of course have a goal weight, however concentrate on your performance not the outcome. While trying to lose weight be conscious of the present moment and be greatfull for your current life situation. Enjoy life for what it is, and don’t try to delay your happiness until you reach your goal.