image source: cowbite

We are programmed by society and the media to care about what everyone else thinks, and to always try to fit in. This process is very automated in our brain that we don’t even stop to question it most of the time. This obviously is a big roadblock to success because it prevents us from being who we really want to be and instead we become products of our society and surroundings.

A great example of this is how for the average man, asking a woman out on a date is a big deal. Because if she turns him down, he’ll feel a little hurt or foolish. Why is that? Because he cares about what she thinks of him.

The problem with caring about what others think is that we can’t control it in the first place. They’ll always be people that like you, and people that dislike you. Actually the most disliked people tend to be really wealthy or famous like many of todays movie stars and music artists who are constantly being bad mouthed in the media. Is part of their success due to not caring about the publics opinions? Maybe, I’m not sure, but it’s food for thought. More importantly, caring about others opinion of you assumes that we are all alike. It assumes that we were all born in the same towns, cities, or countries, went to the same schools, had the same parents, had the same circumstances in life etc. This is why what anyone thinks of you is usually based on superficial judgments they made even if they are a good friend or relative.

The long term effects of caring about what others think of us is leading a disappointing unfulfilling life. What’s worse than looking back on your life and realizing that most of the choices you made were strongly influenced by the opinions and judgments of others instead of your own preferences?

Why do we care what others think of us? While one can come up with many good sounding reasons, deep down there are two main reasons. One main reason is usually some sort of insecurity. When we are insecure about our lifestyles, our choices, or our actions, it’s easier to just go along with the flow, and try to please everyone. Otherwise, if we decide to stop caring what everyone thinks of us, and live life however we please, we will start receiving criticism and start generating a lot of attention. A great example of this is feeling too insecure to ask your boss for a raise. You feel that if you ask for a raise you might give you boss the wrong idea, and since your insecure about your quality of work, thinking it isn’t all that great to start with, you decide it’s better to just be quiet instead of generating a lot of attention. The other main reason is a scarcity mentality. A scarcity mentality is where we think there is a limited set number of resources, opportunities or options. Going back to the “asking for a raise” example, an employee might feel that if he starts asking and demanding too much maybe he’ll get fired, and not be able to find any other jobs. Of course this isn’t true because there will always be numerous jobs and opportunities, however we often have this ridiculous scarcity mentality.

How do you stop caring? Not caring what anyone thinks of you is a working process, you just have to make the decision that from now on you will not care. You also have to be conscious of this decision repeating “I don’t care what anyone thinks of me” in your head as you are making choices in life. This will ensure that you aren’t making choices based on others judgments or opinions. Also to clarify, there is a big exception to this rule which is breaking the law. You should certainly care about your countries laws and respect the authorities.

While caring about what others think of us and our actions can be a big roadblock to success, we still need to maintain a balanced perspective. If one stops caring completely about what anyones thinks of him, he will not be able to change or grow. What was it that initiated the last goal you made? I’m sure it had to do with another human being achieving it, working towards it, or recommending it. Simply put, next time someone gives you their opinion you will need to pause and consider whether it’s valuable or not. If that person understands where you are coming from, has a similar background and similar personal values, then their opinion generally will be more valuable. However you should try to be more honest with yourself and make sure that you are not letting others opinions or judgments hold you back from doing what you want in life.

This article is part of my Roadblocks to Success series. I will discussing more Roadblocks to Success in upcoming articles.

This Post is part of Project Weight Loss and a follow up to Day 2 & Before Photos.

Value of the Public Commitment

Making a public commitment on here to lose weight has been very motivating especially during moments of weakness. Over the past couple of days I caught a mild flu. As a result, I took some time off relaxing. While I did skip working out for a day, I was tempted to skip my workout the next day. Being reminded of my public commitment on here, helped me to get the workout done anyways. It was a much lighter workout, just a few minutes of walking, however afterwards I felt much better. While making clear specific goals is motivating, sharing those goals and making them a public commitment is even more powerful. This is why I recommend that you make your goals public commitments because during moments of weakness you will remember that if you give up you are not only letting yourself down but also others that you told.

Weight Check

Day 3 – 201.8 pounds 23% Body Fat
Day 4 – 198.2 pounds 23.6% Body Fat
Day 5 – 197 pounds 24.2% Body Fat

It seems that I’m losing weight a bit too quickly, this is probably due to my flu. The next few days will clarify if the weight change was actual burned fat or just water loss as result of catching the flu. Catching the flu generally cause fluctuations in the body’s water levels. While it might seem that someone with the flu is losing a lot of weight, most of this weight is water instead of fat. As a result, usually when a sick person is recovering, their body will start putting back some of the water weight slowly.

Exercise & Workouts

Day 3 – This is the first day I felt I was getting sick however I was feeling fine physically so I performed my regular 20 minutes of cardio followed by 20 minutes of weight lifting.

Day 4 – Due to my flu, I skipped exercising on this day. Since I’m planning to workout 5 days a week, this also made a great off day. Off days, or days that you don’t exercise, are important because they allow your body to recover. Additionally off days are good psychologically because they prevent exercising from becoming a boring everyday tasks. Taking an off days is like taking a short vacation, where you come back feeling more refreshed and focused.

Day 5 – I just walked for 20 minutes. Afterwards, I tried lifting weights, however due to my flu, I felt a bit too week and decided to skip the weights.

Supplementation

I have been taking a daily multivitamin. One thing that I noticed on day 3 of taking the multivitamin is my skin looking healthier, and feeling softer. This is why I recommend that anyone take a daily multivitamin.

Overall Feeling

Even with my flu, I have been feeling a bit more energized as a result of eating healthier foods and exercising. I also have this great 2-3 hour window after each workout where I notice I’m very productive.

Your encouraged to share your goals with everyone in the comments section making them more of a public commitment

Thanks Everyone

I wanted to thank everyone for their support and comments on my Project Weight Loss introduction post. Your support has been very encouraging.

Weight Check

I weighed myself first thing in the morning on an empty stomach – 203 Pounds with 22.6% body fat. This is a bit strange and a rough start since on day 1, I weighed 201 pounds, however it’s normal since I’m just starting out. I will be weighing myself right after waking up every morning. This is recommended because it minimizes the weight fluctuations that result from the body’s water and sodium levels throughout the day.

Food

Here is a quick list of what I’ve been eating for the last couple of days:

• Low fat cottage cheese (or yogurt) with fruit (strawberries, blueberries etc.)
• Lean meats and fish including grilled chicken, salmon, tuna
• Eggs (boiled or scrambled)
• Mixed Nuts (in moderation)
• Lean cuisine microwave meals for when I’m feeling lazy or short on time
• Fruits (apples, oranges etc.)

Exercise & Workouts

I’ve been doing about 20 minutes on an elliptical machine, followed by 20 minutes of weight-lifting.

Overall Feeling

Overall I’m feeling great. I know I have a long way to go which is tough yet motivating because I feel that I’m taking on a bigger challenge. Of course the bigger the challenge the bigger the reward and payoff.

Your welcome to share any of your healthy food/meal ideas along with any of your favorite exercises or workouts, thanks for your support